StoneDog's Random Looniness

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

NYPOST.COM Entertainment: GWYNETH SET TO QUIT 'MALE DOMINATED' H'WOOD By ALLAN HALL

I wonder how long it took her between tiny little bites of rice cake to figure this out. Hey, Gwyneth. Hit the bricks. We don't need ya. Way to give up so easily on that whole 'Fight The Male-Dominated Power' thing. Give us a call when you're back to eating more than three meals a week, okay?
posted by Rob Clark 3:59 PM

Thursday, February 28, 2002

Pope says abortion could lead to down fall of democracies

Wow, and I thought we had to worry about corruption, deceit, evil, economic collapses, and Black Ops. Turns out it's abortion that's the biggest danger. Who knew?

Hey, Pope. I'm sure you mean well, but stick to the patriarchal, ritual-obsessed religion you're the figurehead for, okay? Don't think you want to advertise the fact that you got off the clue bus a while back.
posted by Rob Clark 8:03 AM

Friday, February 22, 2002

Russians Challenge Skating Results (washingtonpost.com)

Okay, now they're just sulking.

If this is the way it's going to be in figure skating from now on, then take the sport right out of the Olympics, because there's no point to having countries contest results after every competition. If the Russians feel hard done by, well, it was their own fault for arranging the deal with the French to get their pairs skaters on the podium. Sure, the system is corrupt, but that just provides you with opportunity. It does not give you any moral high ground.

Suck it up, Russkis, 'cause you ain't getting that gold. And you're not getting our gold either.
posted by Rob Clark 11:24 AM

Thursday, February 14, 2002

Sports

Now, I don't mean to be overly blasphemous here, but the 'sport statue' depicting Jesus helping out a kid with his baseball swing is really funny. And doesn't His face look like he's grimacing a bit? "So, Jimmy, this is how you hold your bat. Now, give it a good stroke, that's it..."
posted by Rob Clark 12:44 PM

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

Yahoo! News - Skating Judges Stun NBC Announcers

Russian figure skating pairs haven't lost the gold since the 1960 Olympics. Last night, the Canadian pair, Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, proved that you can be the best in the world, deliver the superior performance, and it still doesn't matter. The Russians win anyway, despite an obvious technical slip-up. As a Canadian, I suppose I could be overly biased. Yet the American broadcasters, Scott Hamilton and Sandra Bezic, were also shocked that the Russians won. Injustice reigns at the Olympics. Gee, what a surprise...
posted by Rob Clark 8:23 AM

Monday, February 11, 2002

New York Daily News Online | News and Views | Beyond the City | Insider Book on W: Hail to the Cheez Doodles

So Bush doesn't know who Leo DiCaprio is. So Bush is somewhat clueless about the pop culture of the nation he's currently leading. So what? Would we really want a President who could kick ass at Trivial Pursuit? We're not looking for nerds at this job, are we? Besides, was Reagan up on the pop culture of the time? Bush Sr.? I think Clinton spoiled the popular press by being such a pop culture whore.

Although the thought of Dubya doing a Dr. Evil impression gives me the shivers.
posted by Rob Clark 8:16 AM

Thursday, February 07, 2002

Lucasfilm unhappy over Enron use of Star Wars names

Is Lucasfilm ever happy about anything? They shut down fan sites, whine about how Jar Jar was misunderstood, and now they don't like how Enron used Star Wars names for their subsidiaries. Wah-wah-freakin-wah. Why doesn't Lucas worry about the important stuff, like making sure the next two SW movies don't suck?
posted by Rob Clark 8:09 AM

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

Canadian Cable Giant Mulls New Fees To Curb 'Bandwidth Hogs'

Those rat bastards. Well, I knew this day would eventually come; for most high-bandwidth users, their fat pipe is barely used for much more than casual surfing and e-mails. For hardcore maniacs, though, it's all about snagging music, videos, games, and programs. That's right - this whole thing is about file-sharing programs like Morpheus, Kazaa, and Audiogalaxy. You want to download the latest pirated videos and games? You're gonna pay for it. Still cheaper than buying the real thing, sure, but Rogers Cable figures, if you're going to break the law, why can't we get a cut?

All I can say is that they better have a bandwidth meter for their users so we know how much we have left each month. I wouldn't want to be 10 MB away from finishing my download of Lord of the Rings only to find that I've incurred an extra forty bucks in bandwidth fees.
posted by Rob Clark 12:44 PM

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Miami Herald: NASA issues alert on falling satellite debris

If a 100 pound chunk of space junk smashes into your house at a few hundred miles per hour, do you get to sue NASA? Is there any liability involved for falling space debris? More importantly, if O.J. is playing golf and a piece of satellite interferes with the flight of his ball, thus interrupting his never-ending quest to find his ex-wife's real killer, does he get a free drop?
posted by Rob Clark 3:03 PM

Monday, January 28, 2002

America's Chaotic Road to War (washingtonpost.com)

This is a beginning of a fascinating series detailing the events of September 11th from the government's point of view; what Bush was doing, what Cheney was doing, etc. The decisions that were made, the selflessness, the nervousness, the resolve.
posted by Rob Clark 8:20 AM

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Brawl breaks out at Lewis-Tyson news conference

Mike Tyson is not a boxer. He's a thug. He's one of those guys that fiendish villains hire to take care of the hero. He's Odd Job without the charisma. He's Jaws without the sensitivity.

What a contrast to Muhammad Ali, who was socially conscious and as eloquent with his words as with his fists.
posted by Rob Clark 7:49 AM

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

'Indiana Jones 4' finally a go

This is great, but Harrison is, what, sixty? One hopes for his sake that the story will involve passing the Indiana torch to someone else. The news that Kate Capshaw will be in the movie might be a hint; she was the love interest in 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom', and perhaps her character will show up with a surprise in the form of Indy's son.

It would be funny, though, if Ben Affleck came along to pick up where Harrison left off, considering that Ben has already taken over the Jack Ryan role from Ford in 'Sum of all Fears'.
posted by Rob Clark 8:10 AM

Friday, January 18, 2002

'X-Files' coming to an end

Thank God. I stopped watching The X-Files regularly a couple of years ago, when it was clear that not even the writers knew what the hell was going on. The creator, Chris Carter, promises that all the loose ends will be tied up by the series finale, which is extremely unlikely, since there is another movie planned. This was a show where its mythology collapsed under the weight of its own needless complexity. Buffy, on the other hand, is still managed very well, generally focusing on one 'big bad' per season, while carrying themes over from season to season. The X-Files introduced so many 'big bads' that they began to contradict each other, and no amount of bullshit plotting could make it work.

So, thanks, Mr. Carter, for giving us five entertaining seasons and then four intermittently entertaining seasons.
posted by Rob Clark 7:59 AM

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Credit rates too high: McCallum

This gets filed under the heading: No shit.

This is my favorite part of the story, the corporate criminals' excuse:

"Both banks and stores say they charge high rates to cover the risk of delinquent payments, losses and fraud as well as administrative costs."

Yeah, right. Most of these cards have a yearly fee that's supposed to pay the admin costs. And what risk? If you miss a payment on a credit card, they're up your ass faster than Customs. Miss two payments, and you might as well declare bankruptcy, because your credit rating is pooched anyway. Now I wonder what would cause the average consumer to miss a payment...

I wonder...

I wonder...

Could it be...?

High interest rates?
posted by Rob Clark 4:06 PM

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

ABCNEWS.com : CIA Believes Bin Laden Escaped

I can't see this as a big surprise. Remember, you've got half the world more than willing to hide this guy under the bed while America comes a-knockin'. I suspect it will be damn near impossible to find him unless he gets betrayed by a country looking to get paid.

What gives us all pause is what he will do once he's got his terrorist network back up to full speed. How long will it be before the next attack? How many more will die? And will Bush's inability to capture the Most Wanted Man on the planet come to haunt him in the next election?
posted by Rob Clark 8:12 AM

Friday, January 11, 2002

And the 'Survivor' is...

Well, the most boring of the three Survivor shows is finally over, and the guy with the least amount of personality won. Yay. It is my fervent hope that the producers cast a better bunch of people next time around, because this show needs compelling personalities to keep the audience interested. The contestants this time around were so anxious not to make waves and lay low that the show lacked energy and spirit. But with the news that for Survivor 4, the producers are forcing the contestants to live off the land by not providing them with rice and water, I look to February 28th (the premiere date) with some optimism.
posted by Rob Clark 7:57 AM

Thursday, January 10, 2002

NBC Moves Away From Family Fare (washingtonpost.com)

The mistake the networks always make is to purposefully target specific demographics when trying to create/choose new shows. Start with a great premise and good writers first, then find the acting talent, then find a strong director. The demographics will come to you. Was The West Wing created with a demographic in mind? How about The Sopranos? Law and Order? Maybe I'm being naive here, but I believe quality does eventually attract audiences. Look how long Seinfeld took to build a following. Or The X-Files.
posted by Rob Clark 8:08 AM

Monday, January 07, 2002

BBC News | SCI/TECH | Space rock hurtles past Earth

Quote: "Dr Benny Peiser of Liverpool John Moores University, UK, told BBC News Online: 'The fact that this object was discovered less than a month ago leads to the question of if we would have had enough time to do anything about it had it been on a collision course with us. Of course the answer is no; there is nothing we could have done about it.'"

You would think that with the box-office success of 'Deep Impact' and 'Armageddon', there would be a bigger push for some kind of planetary protection system. At least get some kind of decent program together that gives us some sort of early detection. A month won't cut it. If we had a year, that probably wouldn't be enough time.
posted by Rob Clark 4:16 PM

Friday, January 04, 2002

Corona's Test Pattern - Scoops & News

Quote: " It appears that the behemoth rental chain that fought the DVD age is now fighting widescreen DVDs. Blockbuster is attempting to use its considerable influence on DVD producers to release more full-frame or dual sided, widescreen and full-frame discs, rather than stock their shelves with the widescreen versions that are presently available. Their reasoning is that a large number of their customers prefer the full-frame aspect ratio over the widescreen aspect ratio. With its large purchasing power and considerable home-video market share, any move by Blockbuster that artificially inflates the appearance of interest in full-frame DVDs could curtail the present resurgence of the widescreen format. "

Leave it to Blockbuster, the only video rental chain who has admitted to editing the content of some films in the name of consumer happiness, to fuck up the widescreen campaign. People, the widescreen format is the best way to see a film. Why? Because you're seeing the film as it was presented in the theaters. You're seeing the entire film as the director intended you to see it. The full-frame format, or pan-and-scan, cuts off the sides to fit the television ratio, and so as a viewer, you're losing 20-40% of the original screen size. Why would you want that? Sure, the widescreen format 'looks' smaller, but that's because the ratio is different. Most people have at least a 25" television, which is plenty big enough to see a widescreen movie without squinting.

So I hope Blockbuster gets the stink-eye from DVD producers on this one.
posted by Rob Clark 3:50 PM

Thursday, December 20, 2001

Freedom's Commmander-in-Chief

John McCain's an interesting guy. He lost the Republican Presidential nomination in 2000 to George W., partly because he just couldn't match the fundraising of Bush junior. Instead of harbouring bitterness, McCain keeps demonstrating his loyalty to his party, and more importantly, his loyalty to his country. The next time the Republicans are looking for a Presidential candidate, I doubt they could do much better than this guy, and that's speaking as someone who is more left-wing than right-wing.
posted by Rob Clark 8:17 AM

Thursday, December 13, 2001

http://www.usdoj.gov/opa/pr/2001/December/01_crm_643.htm

The Feds crack down on software pirates...

This battle is a lot like the war on drugs. A lot of time, money, and manpower spent on punishing those affected by the problem instead of dealing with the problem itself in a rational manner. People pirate games because it's human nature to want something for free. When it comes right down to it, we're selfish bastards who don't mind giving someone else the shaft as long as we benefit. I'm talking about relatively small stuff, though. I'm talking about people using false names and addresses to cheat Columbia House out of a dozen CDs. I'm talking about college students who want to master Microsoft Visual Studio so they can get a good job but can't afford the $700 sticker price. I'm talking about office workers who take a couple of pens, a notepad, and some masking tape every now and then because it's there, it's paid for, and no one will notice it's gone.

The problem is that software, especially operating systems and business applications, is too expensive for the average consumer. The problem is that most software is buggy and may not do all the things you thought it would do, but you don't get to find that out until you've ponied up the dough. The problem is that Bill Gates is worth billions of dollars, but we're supposed to feel guilty about installing a second copy of Windows 98 on your wife's computer. I'm not against people getting paid for the work they've done. But let's be honest about the situation here. The big guns like Microsoft and Oracle make their revenues from the corporate world. I work in a company that has about 3000 employees. Every one of those employees uses a computer that has Windows and MS Office installed. So that's 3000 licenses of Windows and 3000 licenses of Office that Microsoft earns from my company. That's a ton of dough, and we're not even a Fortune 500 company. Does Microsoft really care whether or not Joe Blow is installing an illegal copy of Windows on his home computer? No. Does Microsoft care if a business is using illegal copies of their software? You bet they do, because that's where the money is.
posted by Rob Clark 2:02 PM

Friday, December 07, 2001

Geraldo Ducks to Avoid Sniper Fire (washingtonpost.com)

And I thought the CIA gave these Taliban fighters some decent weapons training...
posted by Rob Clark 8:33 AM

Monday, December 03, 2001

TIME.com: Reinventing the Wheel

So Ginger, or IT, or whatever you knew it as is finally here, and it's called the Segway. Will it revolutionize the world? Who knows? I was hoping for a hover vehicle of some sort, but...

For urban dwellers, this thing might just be a dream come true, but the hard part will be getting rid of all the cars. I suspect the auto industry might have something to say about that.
posted by Rob Clark 12:13 PM

Thursday, November 29, 2001

Osama's Mountain Fortress

This clearly calls for the highly specialized skills of one man:

Bond. James Bond.

Failing that, Eric Cartman.
posted by Rob Clark 8:34 AM

Friday, November 23, 2001

Survivor: Africa: Episode Seven

The writer of this article, John Powell, makes a good point when he says that the show is veering from its basic theme, which is 16 people trying to survive in a hostile and unknown environment. Instead it's becoming a manufactured soap opera.

If I wanted soap opera, I would watch it.

The show has just become less and less compelling with each week. Hopefully the return to the South Seas with the next edition will give Survivor the goose in the ass it needs. More wet chicks in bikinis, please!
posted by Rob Clark 12:10 PM

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

ESPN.com: MLB - Ichiro edges Giambi for AL MVP

Exhibit # 2512 in the argument that sportswriters as a group have about as much sense as a bunch of network executives. The only reason Ichiro Suzuki won the MVP was the hype. All season long, he was the player everybody talked about. Naturally, given that sportswriters have the same problem as Oscar voters with long-term memory, they remember that hype and respond to it. Meanwhile, Ichiro wasn't even the best player on his own team (Hi, Bret Boone). Where's my gun?
posted by Rob Clark 8:19 AM

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

Ottawa Sun: Simpson defence draws laughter

Ah, O.J. If not for the September 11th tragedy, your road rage trial would be front page news. Instead, you're relegated to the back pages where you belong. We can only hope that you're found guilty, and you finally have to serve some prison time. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?
posted by Rob Clark 8:10 AM

Friday, October 19, 2001

Survivor: Africa: Episode Two

For a minute there, I thought I was watching an episode of Buffy - what was with all that blood-drinking?

I would like to put forth a new strategy for prospective Survivor contestants: vote off the young, healthy stud males. Look how far Colby got in Survivor II. He used his physical prowess as currency for the others in his tribe to fight over, and once the tribes merged, he won nearly all the immunity challenges to make it to the end. If I were a Survivor contestant, guys like Colby have to be the first to go. Sure, what about tribe competition? Wouldn't that weaken your team? It might, but the really physical competitions are clustered near the beginning. By the third episode, the physical element drops off a bit, and that's when you toast Mr. Universe.

So, Silas, my man, in my world, you'd be out on your ass.
posted by Rob Clark 11:13 AM